Self Indulgence
Posted on Jan 29th, 2008
by 
asecondlifediary
asecondlifediary
One of the things I have discovered in Second Life is that now that I am equipped with a beautiful-looking avatar, I just love attention! Not that I haven't always liked being the centre of attention in First Life, but that has come about mostly because of my personality, not my looks.
This afternoon I had just changed into a rather exotic 'harem' costume when an academic friend invited me over to see their new property in SL. I teleported over and was gratified by their enthusiastic greeting of, "Wow! You look hottttttttt!" It gave me pleasure to imagine their sexual arousal while we strolled about his land 'innocently' looking at the view, his boat etc.
Not that I am a particularly sexual person, but it's something I've discovered about myself since I have 'created' a sexual persona in SL. Being regarded as 'hot' isn't something I've really experienced before in First Life - not as an ongoing thing anyway. I've certainly been told I look good, but 'hot' is something new for me. I've always been a little shy when it comes to 'flaunting' my body, because even though I've always been small, I've always had a pot belly and consequently have been rather self-conscious.
Some time ago I had the revelation that I took much greater care of my avatar than I did of my First Life body. After all, it's a simple matter to flatten my stomach, make myself taller, buy an alluring new outfit, blonde my hair etc., and have sexual appeal just by the click of a mouse. My poor 'First Life' body has to satisfy itself with a hastily prepared meal (if any) and a quick shower and dress before it slaves away in front of the computer, bringing pleasure to my Second Life avatar.
It's absolutely fascinating how there is a cross over between the two worlds of First Life (where I do live) and Second Life (where I WANT to live). When Cal and I met in SL, the relationship quickly brought a calmness and serenity to my First Life. I had a feeling of 'belonging', that we were right together. We spoke every day (both via the voice option in SL and telephoned Skype conversations) and I especially loved it when we fell asleep together - he on one side of the planet, and me on the other.
Having experienced a couple of other cyber relationships, I know there is a disparity between the 'imagined' relationship you create in your heart and mind, and the reality of actually meeting and facing the flesh and blood person. It's easy to say and do whatever is easy, timely, convenient if you don't have to back it up with any real effort.
It wasn't until Christmas when Cal organised an international delivery of beautiful roses to my First Life home that our relationship REALLY became 'real' to me. (He says it's always been real to him - but he tells me all the time that he has a really rich and vivid imagination). And just recently he sent me a parcel he had wrapped himself and once again, he became 'real' to me as I clutched the wrapping paper to my breast, imagining his hands which had taken such great care to pack it securely.
Second Life gives you the opportunity of a Second Chance - to do things without being restricted by what nature dealt out to you in a completely random, or genetic, throw of the dice. The one thing you can't fudge IS your personality. If you are a dope in First Life, you're a dope in SL as well! If you're superficial in First Life, you are ABSOLUTELY superficial in Second.
Conversation is the key to me. I can tell within a couple of sentences whether I am intellectually interested in the other person or not. Those of you who have read the transcript of my first conversation with Cal (scroll down to the second post), will know that we had an instant rapport and absolutely no lull in the conversation at all.
You want instant gratification? You pretty much got it in SL!
It's as simple as going to the Search facility and typing in Philosophy, Sex, Education, Dancing, Cards, Business, Fetish, Horse Riding, Time Travel, Art, Gardening, Knitting - WHATEVER you desire, you can find it here. (I went searching for an opium den one night and found two).
One thing that amazed me (and still does) was reading about a woman in SL who could only get sexual satisfaction from sexual penetration while she was wearing a urine-soaked nappy. (Apparently her partner just eased aside the wet nappy and went for it!) Not only that - but there was a WHOLE GROUP of people who had the same fetish!!! I still can't believe it! That you could have a really unusual desire, and still find others who share your interest.
BUT ... I do want to stress ... SL is NOT, NOT, NOT just all about sex. It's just usually the first port of call for a lot of people. Like kids being let loose in a sweet shop, it seems that most people, given ultimate freedom, just naturally seek out sexual freedom first.
I think of myself as probably a sexually moderate person - liberated, but moderate. I've lived as a hippy on a nude beach and indulged in some pretty promiscuous sex, but I am pretty... I was going to say pedestrian, but that's not quite the right word, in my sexual tastes. Normal is probably closer to the mark. (Probably at the high end of normal and the very low end of REALLY adventurous!)
My first sexual experience in SL was a threesome with a man I hardly knew (but later became very good friends with) and a courtesan. To be truthful, it was technically challenging - so many things to think about as far as positioning the body, noticing what the other two were doing, come up with text that matched the action, anticipate the flow of 'energy' etc. That was 10 months ago and I haven't felt inspired to repeat the experience.
THE BEST PART OF SL is the opportunity to be expressive and creative in so many different ways. I love decorating myself - clothes, hair, tattoos, a lovely new skin, exotic head dress, exotic costumes - in fact, anything exotic. It's an ongoing process and an evolutionary process. I am constantly stimulated by what I see around me.
And I love gardening. So easy to do in SL - just 'rez' your plants and move them about with your pointer. I can make mountains, lakes, valleys with grand sweeps of my mouse. It's like being mother nature.
Friendship is another important component of the SL experience. Those of you who have read my first post know that I met Cal when I teleported into Midnight Reflections and found him sitting on a mushroom, lost in his own thoughts, innocently admiring the view.
My first friend, Kara, I met when I was wandering in a forest; my second, Alt, when I needed some technical advice and he was called in to help; Lucinda is a great designer who came to my aid when I needed some 'image' adjusting. Others have been people I have met through work in SL, when I've just been out exploring, or have been introduced to. One, a well-known literary figure in SL, I met during a writers' event where we quickly establish a kinship through a shared sense of humour.
You can go into SL and spend all your time in solitary existence - just wandering and exploring and playing. You can interact on a deep and meaningful level with so many different personality types. You can deal with others strictly on a business level - buying and selling, investing, speculating.
One of the things I do find hard to understand, given the absolute freedom we have in SL to create ANYTHING we want - lifestyle, looks, relationships, homes, persona - that so many people just recreate what they already have in their 'real' lives. One avatar I know even wears his underpants in SL! lol I laugh because I just find it so constrained, that they don't ALLOW themselves the freedom to do just what they WANT to do, rather than what they are used to doing, or think they should do!
What we do in SL tells us so much about who we are. I think there are so many people who are so used to being confined, that they don't comprehend what freedom they do have. Like an elephant, its leg tied with rope since infancy, never ever considers breaking free ...
So many people seek to have the life in SL that they aspire to in First Life. One person I know, when I asked what their 'ultimate fantasy' was, said it was to go to some well known American yacht club in SL. THAT is your ultimate fantasy????? There are flying carpets here, dragons, elves, BDSM, vampires, magnificent architectural constructions, Arabian nights and all you want to do is go to a yacht club?
I know someone else who has a refrigerator stocked full of food. Why? We can't eat in SL. One neighbourhood I visited, I fully expected to hear the sound of bloody lawnmowers! I've seen fully-stocked bars and grocery shelves and even a marble toilet. Why on earth would you have a toilet? Who would WANT to recreate the tedium of pissing!
But that's the fascinating part about it all - why we do what we do. What we get out of it. How it makes us feel.
While I can't say that establishing an Intentional Community was my ultimate fantasy, meeting someone like Cal was a hope I'd long had. That I would meet someone who stimulated me and loved me and wanted to share, if not their whole life with, at least a substantial part of it.
It's a journey I'm enjoying.
Access: PublicTagged with: Second Life, Indulgence, Sexual Allure, Instant Gratification, Creativity, Expression, Looks, What's It All About?
creativity
July 2008
I've looked into SL and found that it bored me to play on the computer in this way…but I didn't really give it a chance. I got bored with trying to figure out SL…that's the truth. Maybe, now after reading your experiences….I might try again. I like the fantasy part of SL, I'm just not that gifted at learning how to work with the tech parts of SL. Thanks for putting this out here, it's given me something to think about. Have a great day.
Great to hear from you Heather.
To be sure, Second Life can be quite maddening in the level of technological expertise it requires, but I found everyone there so helpful and accommodating. Money actually DOES grow on trees, and 'newbies' (those who have been in SL for less than 30 days) can just pluck it off at their leisure.
You either 'get' SL or you don't. I've never regarded it as a game, but some people do. I honestly believe it is the way of the future - how we will interact with one another, especially internationally.
I've met far more artists, writers, scripters, designers and generally creative people in the eight months I've been in SL, than I have in the whole rest of my life. Most people I know build in some way - it could be architecturally, or in clothes, machines, hair - or they are producing plays, teaching etc, running a business.
Believe me, I get absolutely hysterical when I have to deal with the technology too. One of my partners said they kept as a talisman over their bed to ward off evil spirits, one oath-filled rant I gave when I had to learn something new in SL. EVERYONE feels stupid and inept when they first come to SL, but we all have to start at the bottom and gradually learn our way to any kind of capability. And yes, the technology in SL drives us all mad - but I appreciate the platform they have provided us and just go with the flow when it comes to crashing, lag, log in failures, lost inventory etc.
That may be because I'm addicted! It is where I'd love to spend all my time - it's where I feel I belong.
Mia