Gaia Community: asecondlifediary's Blog

First Life and Second Life

Fri, 09 May 2008 05:45:53 -0000

AS I SIT HERE WRITING THIS, I am listening to the sound of Cal's breathing on my headset. Because we live on different sides of this Planet Earth, we keep in touch via Skype calls and emails, as well as interacting on Second Life.

One of my favourite things to do is for us to go to sleep together, listening to the gentle sounds of our sleep. Since it is now mid-afternoon for me, I am still working at my computer; but it's been a long and arduous day for Cal, so he's abed, sleeping the sleep of the exhausted.

I just love to hear the sound of him breathing.

Since coming back from our big Meet In Person trip, we both feel very calm and relaxed about our relationship, despite the fact that we're not entirely sure where it goes to from here. This is a very comforting feeling - trusting in the inevitability of our connection with one another. In whatever form it might take.

Cal is selling his house and is faced with lots of important decisions about where he will go and what he will do. His main priority is deciding where his future lies. We both know that we want our future to be together, but what form that will take is less clear. Where will we live? If we move, both of us are faced with finding new jobs. How much uncertainty can we absorb before someone starts to get anxious?

I have a dog, so if I go to Canada, 'Marlo' will be faced with quarantine and besides, Cal feels the 19 hour plane trip across will be too traumatising for her. Who knows what the future will bring? But I feel quite happy, knowing that my life is about to take a turn of some sort.

With progress apparently stalled on the purchase of our new island for the Intentional Community, we are more or less mooching around, exploring all the landmarks we've been meaning to visit and for me anyway, doing a lot more socialising.

Since Cal hasn't been coming into SL as frequently (the recent upgrade has led to a huge deterioratiion in the quality of his experience as the graphics card on his computer is not up to the job of processing SL's visuals), I've been spending more time in there on my own.

Porena and I have been talking about the kinds of things we want to have as part of our IC. I will be responsible for terraforming the island (that is playing Creator and making mountains, streams, valleys etc) and I'm really looking forward to the actual design I eventually come up with. Initially, our land mass will be shaped as Canada and Australia - our two countries combined. It may not necessarily stay this shape, but I think it will be fun to start out that way.

The plan is to have a sandy beaches, flowing back to mossy grass and then a mossy-rock mountain which will be snow-capped. Central focus on the island will be a natural ampitheatre where we will meet for discussions, classes, social events, wise council sessions.

It's funny how one thought leads to another. I was looking at a fan and was wondering how I could amend it to be a natural feature (our island will be completely natural no-technology island) and it occurred to me that in the biblical times, they would have slaves waving fans over people to keep them cool. One thought led to another and I was soon speculating how we could get an economy working on the island. Providing accommodation to people who offered their manual labour for instance; teachers; goat herders; growing vegetables; weaving yarns from natural fibres etc.

This is a wonderful experiment - this creating a new world. One of my big challenges will be to address a certain 'territorial' streak I have in me. I do love to have my own little patch that I am 'queen' of, so I am really looking forward to seeing how I go, incorporating others into my own little vision of 'idylllic'.

A long-lost SL friend has come back into my orbit and I have been talking to him about joining our community. He is a philosopher and I hope that he and Cal and Porena will have many lively discussions about the world and what it all means.

But for the moment, I content myself with thinking about just what it is that I want for MY life. How often do any of us go through this process? I know I need to address issues relating to my vitality and vigour; my personal financial situation; where I live; what I want.

What about you? What issues are you dealing with right now?

(Photo above: My little cabin - photo taken Friday, 9th May 2008 - with 'Marlo' my brown Kelpie out the front).

We're Back!

Fri, 02 May 2008 03:16:03 -0000

HALLELUJAH! WE'RE BACK!

Well my friends, the last you heard from us we had packed up our little island and sailed off into the sunset for our monumental "Meeting One Another In Real Life" ... We got back home from our lovely holiday in New Zealand about a week ago, and it's taken that long to get back to 'normal'.

Let me tell you what we've been up to:

First of all, there was such an intense feeling of "I know you!" when Cal and I met in real life for the first time. We'd exchanged a number of photos and have almost daily/nightly telephone calls (on Skype), so we felt entirely comfortable with one another when we laid eyes on one another at Melbourne Airport.

I can't speak for Cal, but for me, it was such a strong feeling of "coming home" when we hugged - a feeling of being complete and secure.

Then I discovered in the hurly-burly of meeting and greeting, getting bags, paying for the carpark etc., that I'd lost my wallet which had $500 (AUS) in it! Long story short - went back to airport, searched carpark, reported to authorities, they viewed video and saw my wallet on the ground and then it was surrounded by a crowd of people - crowd disappears - no wallet!

A week later, when Cal and I were at my holiday house in the mountains, what should arrive in the mail but my wallet - complete with $500!!!! I could have kissed the woman who found it. I've contacted her and am looking forward to taking her out for lunch so I can hug my wonderful saviour.

So ... back to our holiday.

We spent several days in my mountain retreat, introducing Cal to my friends; several of whom commented, "He's lovely! We didn't expect him to be so normal!" lol (Apparently the perception is that anyone who spends any time at all in Second Life must be weird). My house is in an alpine area, surrounded by snow mountains but has a beautiful crystal clear river at the back, with a rockpool and waterfall. So it's a fairly idyllic place.

We visited the magnificent Mount Buffalo (in north-east Victoria) and walked around the lake there and took a peek in the windows of the historic Mount Buffalo Chalet which is presently closed down. The old building is heated via a boiler and apparently is a bit too costly to run these days).

Then we spent several days down along the Great Ocean Road at Airey's Inlet and Lorne. We discovered THE most wonderful breakfast tearoom beside the Erskine River with such an extraordinary menu - right beside the bridge if you happen to be in the area.

For my birthday, Cal took us on a trip to New Zealand which was magnificent. Truly one of the most unique landscapes you're ever likely to encounter - incredible rolling hills, steep turrets of green, boiling thermal springs, beautiful beaches. No wonder "Lord of the Rings" production people used it for filming.

We took a tour through some glow worm caves and it was just like being in another world. Cal and I sat in the front of the tour rubber dingy going through the glow worm cave in total blackness (such that you couldn't see your hand directly in front of your face). As we glided through the cave, the dingy being secured on a guide rope, we could hear the sound of a waterfall in the distance. Our guide took us closer, closer, closer and ever closer and I must say that my heart started to pound so hard because I couldn't see a thing and I had no idea how close we were to the waterfall.

She'd told us that the cave dropped away and I imagined that we'd all be swept to our deaths. At last, the dingy came to a stop, and slowly, ever so slowly, we were guided back along the rope guideline. When we got some distance from the thundering waterfall, I asked our guide, "How close did we come to the waterfall?" and she replied, "Your feet were right over the top of it!"

Can you imagine!? Dangling over the top of a waterfall in a rubber dingy!!!!!!

Gradually, our eyes became accustomed to the dark, and she guided us back to the waterfall, which now presented itself as a tiny little six inch drop! LOL

If you ever do get to New Zealand, you REALLY must visit the Waitomo Caves. We did the Spellbound Tour, which takes you to the glow worm caves (in a rubber dingy) and the stalactite and stalagmite caves which are enthralling.

As if a trip to New Zealand wasn't enough of a birthday present, Cal also treated me to something I've always wanted to do - bungy jumping! Actually, it was a bungy swing, which was FABULOUS FUN! I had absolutely no fear as they belted me into my harness and explained what was going to happen. Still laughing and joking as they swung me over the 80 metre precipice, I COMPLETELY FORGOT that my 'swing' would first drop me 60 or 70 metres DOWN into the ravine, before it swung me out over the gorge. LOL

They opened the safety clasp and there was a god-almighty blood-curdling SCREAM as I plummetted down the ravine! FINALLY the rope caught and I swung out of view of the camera for I SWEAR a full minute as I swung to the full length of the bungy rope! It was soooooo much fun. After the initial shock of the drop, I just laughed and laughed and laughed until I had tears rolling down my cheeks.

If you have a yen to try it for yourself, check out Mokai (Gravity Canyon).

Next stop on our holiday of thrills was Rotarua with its thermal pools and boiling mud. We had planned to do the whole pool relaxation thing with a body massage, but ran out of time; opting instead for a place called (I think) Hell's Gate which offered a mud bath and lounging in one of their thermal pools.

We stripped naked and went into one of the private cubicles (located funnily enough right beside a busy highway), so as we happily slopped mud on each other's naked body, we were ever so aware of trucks thundering past about 20 feet away! lol They figure you will need a cold shower after that, suggested also as a way of lowering your body temperature before you hit the thermal pool.

So it was more shrieks and gasps as we "cooled our bodies down" and made our way to the sulphuric pools of water, boiled by nature. I enjoyed the experience, even though I did manage to get some of the water into my eyes (despite their warnings not to) and believe me, sulphur DOES sting!

Another beautiful spot on our tour was the lovely Lake Taupo, where we had a romantic dinner at one of the local Italian restaurants for my birthday. Cal presented me with a gorgeous little Lalique heart pendant, which I've worn hanging in my cleavage ever since.

Oh, I forgot to mention Wellington. Our hotel (City Life) is located a minute or so walk from the Cable Tram and we made several forays up the steep incline to visit a bird sanctuary (about 15 minutes walk from the top) or the gardens or, on one night, the restaurant at the top of the hill.

We also made a visit to the museum in town and learnt that Maoris have only occupied New Zealand for about 600 years (from my memory). Compare this to the 60,000 years that it is thought aborigines have occupied Australia.

All in all, the three weeks together were just wonderful. We have established that we do indeed want to make a life together, so we are now researching where we might live. At the moment it's looking like that will probably be Australia - maybe around the Bryon Bay area which is an ideal temperature and location.

But for now, there's a thunderstorm looming here as I write, so I'll say 'adieu' for now and let you know how things work out with our search for a new island to create our Intentional Community in SL.

Mia

What Happened Next

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 04:15:29 -0000

Mia has recounted the ugly conversation she had with our neighbours last week, in her recent post. Since then two of the neighbours, for reasons neither of us can really fathom (other than the idea that an intentional community, with everyone as equals, and decisions made by consensus, was threatening to them) became really abusive to Mia, to the point the owners of the land we were all living on evicted and banned them. It was like something out of a soap opera.

At any rate, we have packed up our cave and vegetation and stowed it away for a month. I'm going to be visiting her in Real Life as part of a combination business trip/vacation for the next few weeks. So we're unlikely to be posting much on this blog during that time.

When I return home, we're looking to buy what is called in Second Life a 'void sim'. This is a large island that is available at only 1/4 the monthly cost of a 'regular' SL island, but also has only 1/4 the maximum number of 'prims' (a measure of how much building and other development you do on your land). Many void sims are predesigned to certain natural themes, and they seem like they might be perfect for an Intentional Community where the objective is not (as in much of SL) to live out your hyper-consumer fantasies, but rather to find ways to live and make a living together in love, peace and conversation, responsibly and sustainably.

We're still looking for SL denizens, or SL-curious newbies, who might be interested in such an experiment in community living. E-mail us if that might be you.

Cal

One Door Closes and Another Opens

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 08:59:56 -0000

LAST NIGHT WAS VERY DRAMATIC and signals an end to our plans to buy the island where we now live with our neighbours.

As we all know from John Lennon - "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans" and so, while I thought things were percolating along nicely for our big purchase, 'life' was about to jump up and bite me.

Cal (who has a wonderful blog on How To Save The World, which you can access here) and Max (who has joined our Intentional Community and is a member of a real life Intentional Community in Sweden - check out his blog here) had sent out a DRAFT Proposal Partnership Agreement and Prospectus to the other people who live on the island we currently 'rent'. This was several days ago, and to my knowledge none of our neighbours had contacted either Cal or Max to question anything in the proposals. I had expected that at some point, we would all meet and discuss how we would go about this land purchase; what each of us wanted from it etc.

Wrong!

I had approached one of our adjoining neighbours, Abbie, who hardly ever comes to the island, to see if (a) she was interested in coming on board with us in the land purchase; or (b) if she wasn't, and planned to sell her land at any point, would she consider selling it to us.

Estate Islands are usually divided up into 16 separate parcels. Our island 'ownership' was broken up into:

Cal & Mia - 3 parcels

Cinn & Dick - 4 parcels

Bella & Ringo - 3 parcels

Vincent - 2 parcels

Abbie - 3 parcels

Rachel - 1 parcel

Abbie said yes, she would be happy to sell because she had other land interests elsewhere and wanted to cut down on her holdings.

Cal and I planned to keep four of the parcels and then use the other two for Max OR another couple we knew who MIGHT have been planning to join us as part of the Intentional Community. But essentially, the six parcels would be dedicated to the community.

I was keen for the island residents to get together so we could discuss Cal and Max's proposals and I went to meet with Cinn and Dick about a possible meeting with everyone.

Before I knew it, I was being blasted with quite a tirade about how we were trying to take over the island and MAKING everyone go around naked and live in a cave! lol Which is quite a ludicrous suggestion, but may end up being the comment that we laugh about in the future.

Cal had provided a very comprehensive and detailed partnership agreement, detailing financial responsibilities etc., but there was nothing in there about MAKING anyone do anything and was very clearly marked DRAFT at the top.

One of the other sticking points appeared to be Max's comment in his Prospectus - "Buildings are not needed." (In Second Life, it doesn't rain, so there is no need for protection from the weather and no one can steal your property, so you can leave it out in the open).

The island as it is now, does not allow any business, and it also seems that Max's statement that, "... the only commerce that is appropriate is the selling of info materials to promote the spread of the message" was interpreted that we were going to MAKE everyone swear an oath of allegiance to some weird cult.

It dawned on me that our fellow island residents were getting more and more enraged as I struggled to understand just what it was that they were so agitated about.

"What message?!" demanded Dick. "We don't want to walk around naked and live in a cave!" "You can't have more than four parcels!" shouted Bella. "And you've pushed Abbie out!" "Don't act dumb! You're just trying to build up power so you can outvote us!" And similar comments in that vein.

It took awhile for the penny to drop for me - they were worried that we were positioning ourselves to take over and force them to live the way we thought everyone should live.

Second Life offers us the opportunity to create our ideal world.

For some people that is a life crammed full of stuff! Huge houses (in a place where it never rains and no one can steal from you); luxurious cars (in a place where you can tp wherever you want to go); boats (in a place where sailable water is a rarity); clothes; toys; activities; a Friends List a mile long; endless clubbing; sexual partners coming out the wing-wang; and the indulgence of our every desire.

Other people have a vision of paradise - of tropical rainforests; nature protected; animals gambolling, safe from predators; people in love and caring and true in their relationships with one another; and social justice is not just an idealistic notion.

Some, like the lovely Bella and Ringo, just want to have fun. They want to have all the things they don't have in First Life and use SL as a place of relaxation and merriment. I have no argument with that. We should all be free to use SL to have our dreams come true.

Others, like dear friends of mine Shava Suntzu and Tuna Oddfellow, and Sue Stonebender and Baron Grayson, use SL as a forum for their social justice work. Each to his or her own. And that's exacty what we want the Intentional Community to achieve - for everyone involved to be free to create their ideal world. I see this happening through conversations, political action, benevolence, love, fun, creativity and other ways I may not have even contemplated yet.

I just re-read Cal's DRAFT Proposed Partnership Agreement and the points that stand out to me are:

"I am committed to pioneering a lifestyle that will serve as an example of ecological sustainability ...

I will weigh the implications of my actions, continually striving to minimize my negative impact and increase my positive impact on the land and community.

I will participate in the creation of a physical and social structure and culture that will move us towards long-term sustainability and social equity."

What disappoints me more than anything is the fact that both documents were STARTING POINTS for group discussion and instead of our neighbours doing that - discussing their concerns with us, they appear to have speculated amongst themselves and came to a very unflattering conclusion about us! One that questioned our personal integrity.

As far as I'm concerned, Max made two comments which could have been seen as being dictatorial or unreasonable:

"Buildings are not needed" and "The only commerce that is appropriate is the selling of info materials to promote spread of the message."

I don't agree with these statements myself! Woman have an innate need for a shelter of some sort - we are just wired for safety and security and I do believe we see that in our home. As far as the commerce goes, I would have negotiated for a village style market place which could have a regular monthly event where others could bring goods to sell or exchange.

That's what a community is all about - negotiating what you want and compromising for the common good.

The diatribe served to show me two things - it highlighted a basic lack of trust (Dick accused us of being "underhanded") and a complete lack of conflict resolution skills.

Several times Dick had commented that whomever owned the island was 'god' and then immediately stated, "Well, I will buy the island in my name and you can all just pay me your share." My antennae had gone up from then, but I accepted that SOMEONE had to pony up their credit card to pay for the land but thought this issue (of who would actually have the island in their name), would be discussed when we all got together at a meeting to discuss these things.

(The trust issue relates to the fact that the island would officially 'belong' to whomever paid for it. It would be in their name. We would have to trust that Dick wouldn't, at some point, just tell us to piss off, and there would be nothing we could do about it - he was the owner / god). But trust went both ways ... Dick would have to trust us that we each would pay the monthly tier due on our share of the island).

The accusations that they had levelled at me/us of being underhanded and doing something sneaky, naturally spoke to our own trustworthiness and personal integrity, and obviously, they felt we were the ones who couldn't be trusted!

So ... okay, these people were not who we are meant to create our community with.

We will find those who are.

We are already on our way to doing that ... Maybe it will be you.

(Photo above: Our current parcel is at the top left hand side of the photo).

Creating A Second Life

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 11:12:20 -0000

WHILE SECOND LIFE PROVIDES an ideal forum for creating a new life and expressing creativity, there is also a very strong spiritual component to our lives there as well.

I was reminded of this not so long ago when my 'excitement' got the better of me and I wanted to take someone else's artistic vision and use it as just a decoration in the cinema I was building on our island. I wrote to Baron Grayson, one of the many talented designers and artists in SL asking to use one of his textures (which is basically a pattern or a design used in SL to 'decorate' buildings and objects). Baron creates unique environments at his several sims, which include Intempesta and incorporate Relic, his retail outlet.

His textures and items are eagerly sought after, and I'm embarrassed now to be among the many people who failed to comprehend the very delicate and personal nature of creation. Because some things are so easy to get in SL, it's easy to be led into the "I want it, get it now!" kind of mentality.

I am indebted to Baron for bringing me back to a more loftier ideal ... I had written to him asking for permission to use a very small section of one of his magnificient drapes as a colour swatch on my cinema balcony seats. I feel quite venal now, saying that I would keep our little 'arrangement' secret if he granted me the use of the texture. But this is about Baron, not me and his reply serves as a beacon I think for high-minded ideals. Here it is:

I appreciate your asking me directly. Selling textures is historically something I do not do. I'm immensely flattered that you would ask about one of my textures but I'm very uncomfortable giving permission to release them, in any way through someone else's builds, because it was not how I had designed the texture to be used.

For me textures are more complex than just the silly graphic they are in RL. The textures are part of a story and an original artistic vision completely created by me to express myself. The items in my shop are rather like children and are a direct extension of the sim itself. When someone takes a texture from that vision, it removes it from the purpose I had intended for it and that lessens my overall design dream.

I would much rather you use another texture for your personal builds simply because if you do, it removes the possibility that this texture can be easily shared by mistake. I believe your sincerity that you would never dream of doing so, or breathing a word...but I actually am asked dozens of times a day for my textures and if I quietly and secretly said yes to each of them....my textures would spread across SL faster than wildfire. It's dangerous for me to begin making allowances to any request however much I like a person and am flattered by the person's intended use.

A few weeks ago there was someone that took a snapshot of my sim land textures and used them for personal use. She admitted it through guilt and asked for my permission in the end. I carefully composed my reasons why I asked them to remove use of the textures. I share it with you now, only to help explain my passion behind my designs and hand painted textures....not to cause you discomfort. It simply gets across the love that goes behind the sims and the designs here.

It's such an easy thing to do, take those screencaps (screen photos). The danger with doing this is with time it becomes common place and the ethics of the act becomes lessor in one's mind. What I ask of visitors is to give the experience of the four sims a value..and a protection..to preserve it. To encourage its growth and development. To realise that the magic they experience there belongs there and that it's right. To hold it safe. For each person that visits..to understand and value the meaning of it being there at all.

It's a place away from everything else. People have used it as a get away when they were in their last days, sick with RL medical problems. They've married there. They've made it a personal destination when their lives get a little chaotic. The place itself, though virtual, soaks in the experiences and the memories. It has such stories. You must feel it, if you love it so.

I ask that people slow down and remember how to keep something a personal treasure. To forget greed....to forget want and a need to have. Just enjoy it for the thing that it is...and take your stand when something is worth guarding.

The thought behind the sims is to provide a unique vision of dreams and emotion that I want to give to the public. In that way it's a living evolving artform to me. I bequeath the experience to visitors but the art itself is mine because it's a direct extension of myself and works with all of the other elements of the sim. I'm often asked if I can sell my textures but that act would cheapen the art and make it less spectacular. Less special. Common and found in other places besides the original sims it was specially created for. The meaning of the sims would be diluted if I sold parts of it away. Little chips that would eventually leave nothing left. The textures..the builds...all of the pieces to the puzzle would mean nothing without the other and my main focus is not to make money.

I hope I have not made your build design unnessessarily complex by refusing permission for this texture. That was certainly never my intent.

Sincerely,

Baron Grayson

RELIC

What I want for our Intentional Community is that this same sense of purity exists there. What Cal and I hope to create IS an artistic and philosophical expression of the journey we are taking together, and the journey we hope to share with others.

Mia

Enough Talk ... Let's Get On With It!

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 11:03:05 -0000

IN THE PAST WEEK I've been thinking, "Enough of all this TALK about establishing an intentional community - let's just get on with it!

Those of you who read Dave Pollard's blog, "How To Save The World" will know that he has been talking about Intentional Community vs Accidental Community, and the speculation that it is the accidental communities that have the greater probability of succeeding, based solely on the fact that they HAVE to. People thrown together by circumstances beyond their control, often have a vested interest in making sure their community succeeds because really, when all is said and done, they don't have any other option. Intentional communities on the other hand, usually come about because people have made some sort of decision to come together and form a community. If it doesn't work out, they probably have other options to fall back on.

In the several months that Cal and I have been together, we have both been open to the idea of meeting other like-minded souls and forming our Intentional Community, but as the weeks and months have passed without any potential community mates sticking their heads above the crowd, we were both beginning to feel that perhaps it wasn't going to happen after all.

But, as luck would have it, we have gotten to know our neighbours on the island where we live and just recently, the talk turned to, "Why don't we all get together and buy an island of our own?" "This would reduce our monthly tier payments (a fee paid to the person who had the island 'created').

Several of us got together today to throw a few ideas around and it was fascinating to see the process of us all putting our ideas forward - our preferences, deal breakers, concerns, priorities. The one good thing is that we already know we get along well, and we all know how important it is to get along well with your neighbours. So that is a good start.

I know Cal has concerns about people's need to 'own' land or to have control, so that will be a major challenge - for us all to take responsibility for things without the need to have that sense of ownership most of us seem to need.

Speaking for myself, I have a very strong territorial streak and have already voiced my desire to have some space that I can call my own. One of the other women in the group voiced a similar desire (must be a female thing to want to have their own nest).

I suggested that we use this month (before the tiers are due again at the beginning of April) to 'practise' how our community would work, before we actually commit to buying an island together. We can join all our land up physically (it's possible for us to 'terraform' the land so that waterways etc., can be eliminated and land masses butt up against one another) and see how we all go sharing a common space together.

I'm really excited about this idea of us all buying an island together. The next step will be to see how the practicalities work out. Several of us are interested in terraforming and gardening, so it will be interesting to see whether we can all work together and if we share a common creative vision.

We all get along well together NOW ... but is it likely to remain the case when we don't have our own separate little 'kingdoms' to retreat to (and tell the others to bugger off from?) Do we all need that safeguard of being able to control our immediate environment?

SOOOO..... it looks like we are FINALLY moving forward with this. About time! It's going to be an interesting experiment.

The photo up the top is an aerial view of most of the current island ... the area Cal and I currently own is at the front of the pic.

Hanna

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:08:19 -0000

a short story from Cal's main blog at howtosavetheworld.ca

"I want it all", Hanna told him.

He'd been walking back to his hotel after his conference presentation and decided to stop at one of Paris' renowned sidewalk bistros. He'd found one that looked attractive. As he walked along the row of seats and tables a striking woman in a trim burgundy suit followed him with her gaze. When he turned his head to look at her, she raised her head and looked directly into his eyes, not averting her stare for a moment. He stared back, with a slight smile at her forwardness. He'd discovered that Parisians are fond of checking each other out, especially in public places like the brasseries and the MÃ©tro, so he didn't think this terribly unusual. He stopped walking. There were few empty seats in the bistro, and as he walked back towards her, the woman, still gazing right into his eyes, nodded towards the seat beside her, inviting him to sit.

She offered him her hand and they introduced themselves. They spoke French. She said she was Austrian, from a village in the mountains. Her long wavy hair was jet black. They explained what had brought them to Paris, and then moved the discussion to philosophy, and life goals. Hanna spoke exuberantly about her intentions in life:

"I want it all. Love, friendship, adventure, discovery, fun. I can't, won't be tied down. It's not that I'm extravagant or unwilling to take responsibility. My ecological footprint is very small. I own next to nothing. I owe nothing. I don't drive. I care about the planet, and about people, especially people who are responsible, who care."

He asked her about her expensive-looking wardrobe, where she lived, and what she did for a living.

"I have three outfits, casual, that I made myself, that go with me everywhere. If I need something different, like this suit, I buy it in a thrift store and then, when I'm done with it, I donate it back, or give it to someone who needs it. My home, near a small village in Austria, is a one-room cottage in a forest. I sold the property to the government for one euro, on condition it never be developed and that I be able to use the cottage for free during my lifetime. It's powered by wind and solar power, and it's more or less empty. When I'm home I sleep there, prepare simple meals from local foods, write, paint, sculpt, weave, play music, and do research. But I'm a nomad, I'm comfortable anywhere and I like to move about and spend time with the many people I love, who are all over the planet. So I speak at conferences for the cost of transportation to the conference site. Most places I go I know people I can stay with, and I give them gifts of my artworks in thanks for their hospitality. If I don't know anyone, I just make a new friend when I arrive. It's fun."

She asked him where he was staying, and when he told her, she asked if she could spend the night, and the one following, with him. He suggested it might be awkward, since the room had only one bed. She smiled at him wryly.

"I was hoping we'd make good use of the bed. I love making love, with people who are intelligent, sensitive, and kind. Don't get me wrong, though. It's not because you're putting me up for the night. I'd offer to make love with you even if I couldn't stay the night. I want to do a sketch of you, and that's what I offer you for your accommodation. My offer of love is free." She smiled again.

They talked for awhile about how to make the world a better place. He told her he had given up on trying to bring about systematic change, and instead intended to create models of a better way to live: intentional communities, natural enterprises, self-organized collaborative events. She liked the approach. She was a model herself, he discovered, of living light upon the land, of the gift economy.

They ate vegan food, watched the people, laughed, poked gentle fun at each other. Then, at sunset, she took his hand and said simply "time to make love".

She was an expert lover. She teased him for hours, not letting him climax, while she taught him exactly how to please her, over and over. They took a bath together, and later a shower, in between rounds, and by the time they were sated it was the middle of the night. He was ready to sleep but she dragged him outside to show him Paris at night, when almost everyone was in bed. They walked for about an hour, holding hands, singing quietly, sharing confidences, laughing, crying. They went back to his hotel room and made love one more time, gently, slowly, by candlelight, and then slept in each other's arms until noon.

They made love again when they awoke, and then Hanna gave him a speech she had clearly recited often. She lay on his shoulder, caressing his chest, and said:

"Tomorrow I leave for Stuttgart, for a conference on collaboration and innovation. You are really on to something, you know, with your talk about Love and Conversation being the keys to making the world a better place. But I'm not so sure about intentional communities, or about physical communities at all. The world has changed, and you can't re-isolate people in communities, even if it may be for their own good. I have four lovers in Stuttgart and I am looking forward to being with them all. I will tell them about what I have learned from you, and from talking with you. I will probably pick up some new ideas and understanding from them, which I'll relay to you, the next time we meet. And we will meet again, in Rio, in January, when we're both at the same conference, and, if you're up for it, at my place in April, as we discussed. I just want you to understand that I love you, but I also love many others, and I have to be free to spend time with them too. You understand? We can have a lot more fun until I go tomorrow, but no sad goodbyes, no tears, right?"

He was quiet for a moment, and then nodded, smiling. She went on:

"You should try doing what I do. Sell everything you have and become a Love Nomad like me. Make your 'intentional community' the whole world, all the people who 'get' what you're saying or who, at least, because they're intelligent and sensitive and caring and imaginative, could get what you're saying. And just have fun loving them, in the way they want and deserve to be loved. And conversing with them, spreading the ideas and information and insights you have around, like a virus."

All that day they explored Paris, and each other. They returned to the bistro where they'd met for dinner, and Hanna, using the same 'eye trick' she'd used on him, invited a wildly-dressed Parisian woman named Mireille to join them for dinner. That night was a threesome, of passion, and of conversation about art. Mireille was a performance artist, and she had adorned her body with tattoos, piercings and temporary drawings about Gaia, making a virtual canvas of her body. Hanna drew a sketch of him on Mireille's shoulder as her two new lovers were sleeping in each other's arms, and when she rose in the morning she left them a note, with her cell phone number, that read:

"I give you to each other, in love."

(Image is from parlerparis.com. The character of Hanna is based on a polyamorous woman I knew many years ago, who at that time was living with five lovers. I'd like to believe this is what she might have grown up to become.)

Why Are People So Wary Of Polyamoury?

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 11:24:35 -0000

WHILE THE JOURNEY to polyamoury is a new one for me, we have heard from one of our readers who is further along in their exploration. They have a partner who is the treasurer for an association buying land for an intentional community.

The partner was quite high up in multi-national company, but because she was burnt out from stress she changed occupations. She kept in touch with her girlfriends at the previous company and likes to attend their girls' evenings to catch up on old gossip.

But I will leave it to our reader to tell their story:

"She is not really interested in talking about our IC - ecounit. When asked, she likes to respond about the areas of concern - investment, urine separation, planning permission, legal framework, community rules, social cohesion.

So her girlfriends started asking her about the IC. However she responded, they always brought the subject back to …..SEX. Conversation invariably went along these lines:

” We intend to introduce urine separation, recycling of all nutrients”
“Yes, but won't you end up all having sex with each other?”

The more Caroline recounted the evening, the more I laughed - but I realised these ladies were REALLY WORRIED. Their concerns seemed to consist of:

* Worry that the women would go after other women's men. Presumably, this means that although they would not consider it, they think another woman would think differently).

* Worry that these affairs would ruin the community and the investment (agreed there).

* But if they are worried their man is going to leave them in THAT situation, why not in the situation they are in? Is it just the situation that is keeping them together?

* Or, are they worried (and I suspect this is close to the truth, but then I'm a man), that they would be confronted with the fact that polyamory is something they really want to do themselves and that they will REALLY enjoy it. They are, I speculate, at present in a situation where they do not need to confront this and they do not need to practice the openness and honesty that is needed in a polyamourous relationship.

Maybe that is why they find Intentional Communities so threatening. Believe me, these women were worried.

One night, when we all went out to a restaurant, my partner and I gave one of them a lift home and when I gave her a big hug goodbye, I thought the look of shock on her face was due to the wine she'd been drinking. After Caroline told me their concerns, I realised that there must have been something else in it.

We recounted the story back to another woman who is also on the board of our IC, and her reaction was that a lot of sex would distract from why she was there in the first place - which was for the organic gardening and closeness to nature.

Another reaction was - so? You have to be real. If you want to have multiple partners and do, then you are being real. If you do want multiple partners and don't, then you are not being real. If you don't want multiple partners and do, then you are not being real. That's where the internal conflict comes in - when you cross your own line.

I am a newbie in SL - just one poseball kiss - but from the encounters I have had in SL, I can see that the platform can really help you sort yourself out in terms of honesty, fear of love, what you want from love etc.

Maybe any induction programme a new IC sets up should include a period of time spent on SL."

This reader's views pretty much reflect what both Cal and I feel and have experienced - that so many people we talk to about polyamoury, focus on the sex rather than the importance of relationships.

When we first decided to establish a polyamorous/intentional community in SL, we were very open and vocal about our plans. We soon realised that this was not the right way to go about it, because it didn't matter what else we said after the word "polyamoury" because all people could hear was "unlimited sex with as many people as you want".

I haven't even considered the 'nuts and bolts' of an intentional community as far as the technical and economic details go. Urine separation? Community Rules? Planning Permission?

My only priority has been finding "like-minded souls". People who are open, honest, entertaining, have a lot of personal character/integrity, people who love expressing themselves on some level - artistically, intellectually, spiritually, environmentally etc.

The beauty of experimenting in SL is that we don't have to consider planning permissions and urine separation, rubbish disposal etc. The financial considerations are slight - some contribution to the monthly tier (rent) payment would be good.

BUT I do have to say, my most immediate concern is my own feeling of "territory" that I have for our island. When I first set it up I was building it more for just the two of us - Cal and I - and he gently reminded me that eventually we would be sharing it with others.

I goofed big-time last week when I 'auto-returned' everything on the island which resulted in a completely empty island - every single thing we had put out was returned to our inventories, with the exception of one lone little mushroom which stood as a testament to how Cal and I first met.

This time round, while I have been re-building, I am more conscious of creating lots of areas for communal get togethers, private talks, romantic nooks and crannies, little surprises - very much with community in mind. However, a neighbour called in the other day and offered me some of their plants. This is a person who may well eventually be a part of our community, yet I declined their offer because on some deep primeval level, I didn't want anyone else's items on 'our' land.

Sense of ownership runs deep apparently. Still, all these things are part of the learning process - of changing the desire for things to be ours. There are just so many important issues to be considered in any sort of community that is put together - the financial aspect, morality (in a far wider context than who snuggles up with who at night), environment, compatibility (on so many different levels), direction etc.

One of my favourite sayings is, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step" and just as we do when we travel, the more stories we hear from others on traps to avoid, places to see, handy hints etc., it just makes the journey all the better. For all of us.

Mia

Some Of My Favourite Things - Romance & Relationships

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 03:03:51 -0000

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY and so Cal and I have bought one another a horse in Second Life to celebrate. His is a handsome chestnut/brown beast and mine is a lovely Palomino, named Jinj (as in ginger).

We are both interested in wild and lonely landscapes to explore and one of our favourites is called Lyonesse, although Commonwealth looks appealing too, and Sancto Sanctorum is a long-standing favourite.

One of the things I like doing best is suspending disbelief in SL - and somehow, sitting atop a noble beast and clip-clopping through the landscape really suits my romantic idea of exploration. (If anyone knows of 'wild' places in SL, please let us know!)

Cal and I are constantly talking whenever we are online together - bserving the landscape, speculating on the who, what, where, why of things. Examining the minutiae of the things around us - colours, concepts, layout, design, rationale etc.

I'm intrigued by the differences in how we see the world. I call his way of being as 'academic' (which he hates), but he is more inclined toward seeing things in terms of graphs, facts and figures; while I am tend to see most everything from an emotional point of view. (Not that he doesn't, but he expresses it in what I see as a more 'academic' way).

He is just so 'connected'. I feel far more of a 'floater' through life - just trah-lah-lah'ing along.

Another favourite thing I enjoy is how we communicate with others in SL. We are always in voice chat via headphones with one another, so even when we are talking in text with others, we are chatting back and forth with one another. Making observations about the social situation we are. It's a great way of communicating, and I know that when we eventually meet in First Life (which will be in April), I will miss this unique way of communicating - having one conversation with others, and a more private one just between the two of us.

Communication is a huge thing with us. Today, for instance, Cal was enroute between cities on a business trip, and bad weather threatened to ground him at the airport. I just happened to send him a Skype text message which he received on his blackberry or laptop - so we were able to chat back and forth in between him picking up announcements about wait lists etc. Modern technology gives us so many ways to stay in touch and maintain a link.

We are now REALLY starting to focus on relationships with others - people we think might be compatible couples to absorb into our polyamorous / intentional community. But at the same time Cal is still weighing up the relative merits of intentional vs accidental community.

He is looking at the various pluses and minuses of how a community is made up. Probably the best way of explaining it is if say 100 people were FORCED into creating a community through a plane crashing on to a desert island. Everyone involved has a vested interest in making sure there was no conflict and they found a way of all getting along together and creating a good social structure.

Whereas, as we are now - well fed, comfortably housed, financially stable, independent beings - we are far more likely to be distracted by egos, priorities, personal viewpoints, financial considerations etc. We don't have a vested interest in the community working, because if we don't like it, we can always leave. An accidental community doesn't have that luxury - they HAVE TO make it work! There is nowhere else to go.

It's a metaphor for the planet I guess - you have to love it, cos you can't leave it!

One of the things I hope to bring you soon, are a couple of examples of other communities that people are working on at the moment. There are just so many things happening on a global scale in so many different areas - we truly ARE at the banquet of life at this period of time.

Happy Valentine's Day - I hope you get a horse!

Love,

Mia

Twelve Things I Love About Mia

Tue, 12 Feb 2008 02:35:54 -0000

In earlier post I promised to write about the things I love about Mia, my collaborator on this blog and in my efforts to create an Intentional Community in Second Life. As I thought about it, I realized these were the same things I look for in a partner or collaborator on any important venture -- projects, enterprises, communities. And the same qualities I treasure in a friend. And the same qualities I try to exemplify myself, in practicing to Let-Myself-Change to be a better model, in trying to make the world a better place*.

Mia exemplifies these twelve qualities:

Intelligence: A combination of good critical thinking skills and excellent instincts (and a willingness to trust them). Smart people like Mia are fun, and sexy.
Emotional Strength: Freedom from neediness -- it's OK to love attention and appreciation, but when someone can't live without constant external validation, they can become unbearable. If you want others to love you, you have to love yourself first. Mia has learned to do that. That seems to be rare in First Life and Second Life.
Attention Skills: Emotional sensitivity, perceptiveness, awareness, openness, capacity to listen, to focus the senses on what is really happening, and collaboratively figure out what it all means. Mia is not one of those people who lives their whole life in their heads, or in an emotional cocoon. She's learned to get outside herself, and she's very generous with her attention.
Honesty: About what you love, what you can't stand, what you believe in, and what you have doubts about. Mia just gets it all out there. She's always offering constructive ideas and alternatives. And she never, ever lies (that includes saying nothing when there is something that must be said). She calls it "taking the temperature" of our relationship. It's delightfully refreshing, and reassuring.
Communication Skills: Ability to articulate concisely and precisely what you know and what you think and what you love, orally and in writing (and to show, not just tell). Mia's a writer by vocation, and she's very good at it.
Learning Skills: The self-directed ability to discover, access and process useful information (captured, experiential, and in conversation). This is the key to self-management and independence and making yourself a useful and valuable partner. Mia is self-driven to learn. And she's more open-minded than I am.
Passion and Responsibility: Belief that what's possible can happen, and energy and a sense of responsibility directed to a shared purpose. We know what we have to do, and we're going to do it. Come see what we've done already in Second Life. Talk to any of those who've come to know and love Mia.
Curiosity, Imagination and Creativity: The desire and capacity to find out what you don't know, to think about what could be, and to bring those imaginings to fruition. Mia is so curious, she purrs.
Different Perspectives & Complementary Strengths: We are often attracted to people who share our beliefs, our culture, and our skills, but in my experience the best partners are those whose gifts and points of view complement each other (i.e. neither conflict nor overlap). We don't argue, but we poke fun at each other when we have different ideas. We laugh a lot. Yin and yang.
Self-Knowledge, and Knowledge of Others' Capacities: Knowing which capacities you have, and which you lack, and what you know, and what you don't, and what others can do better than you can, is enormously important to collaboration and love, especially in coping with challenges. We've both spent a lot of time in contemplation, getting to know ourselves, and now, each other.
Love, Respect and Trust: Most of us love and trust those who love and trust us in return. The alternative is dysfunctional and dangerous, a recipe for either abuse or co-dependency. We look at many of the relationships of others we know in First Life and Second Life, and shake our heads. There are a lot of co-dependents out there. We're co-independents.
BGP: Beauty, grace and presence: Deny it all you want, we all prefer to be with people who are attractive, gracious, charismatic, and energizing. Some are naturally more gifted at this than others, but we can all improve, with practice. Ask anyone who knows Mia, they'll tell you -- she's lovely and charming and completely adorable.

Happy Valentine's Day, Mia. LYAW.

* So I confess this list is doing double-duty on my other blog, in homage to my long-suffering readers. The image, BTW, is from doggybloggy.com

What Do We Want From Love?

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 23:47:41 -0000

THE OTHER MORNING, as I contemplated my deepening love for Cal, I began to wonder what it was that I wanted from love.

I had been reading a friend's blog and knowing they are in a relationship that means a lot to them, wondered why that love wasn't expressed more in his blog. It felt to me that maybe 'love', to him, was restricted to just the two of them, the ones in the relationship, without it having enough 'strength' or 'power' to emanate further out into his world. Whereas, for his partner, that love just radiated out from her, embuing her life with a joyousness that was easily spread.

Years ago I read the very funny, "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert where she says her lover acted as though she wanted to eat his soul, when all she wanted to do was .... er, eat his soul!

I am guilty of this same urge - to utterly consume the object of my affections - to have them entirely inside myself. To know their every thought, feeling, action. Is this normal? Do others feel like this? Is insecurity a companion to love?

When Cal says, "I love you", how do I know that he loves me as much as I love him? And why does it matter? Why am I consumed with these moments of insecurity? In my moments of rational thought, I know that I love him no matter what - I don't hold back what I feel until I am sure he feels the same. I love him and want him to be happy - it's as simple as that. Is it my hormones playing tricks and complicating things?

Fortunately Cal is comfortable (at least for the moment), with this constant temperature-taking of our relationship, but I wonder why it's always me who has the thermometer in hand? Is it just me who is insecure, or women in general? Very early in our relationship, he urged me to be "fearless" and I keep repeating this word as a mantra but all it takes is a bit of a silence from him, to instantly feel as though he is bored with me, or wondering how to tell me that his feelings for me have diminished.

I hate this insecurity! What will it take for me to feel reassured?

Cal says that I am living in the future, waiting for our eventual meeting outside the cyber world of Second Life and that's true. But I think it's more that I am looking forward to the next stage of our relationship - the REAL deepening of our connection. The opportunity to see, touch, smell and intertwine with one another.

For me, I feel that our relationship has pretty much expanded to its limit here in the cyber world. I mean, how many times can you say, "I love you, I love you"? We have walked together, talked together, ridden horses together, socialised together, danced together - explored as many avenues of expression in Second Life that we are aware of. As much as I love conversation and cyber connection on poseballs, I'm still wanting more.

But that is one of my failings. "Give me an inch and I want a mile". No matter what I have, I want more.

It probably doesn't help that Cal reminds me from time to time, that 'our' relationship isn't just the two of us - that eventually there will be others in our beautiful love ocean. I don't think he trusts me that when it comes down to it, that I won't squib out and renege on accepting others in our circle of love.

But it is OUR relationship, just the two of us that I am focused on at the moment. I want to make sure that we have a secure, loving base on which to expand lovingness. Actually, I'm quite looking forward to seeing who it is we eventually absorb into our polyamorous community. (I've been told I have a FEROCIOUS curiosity). I just want to make sure that what Cal and I have together is good and true and lasting.

I don't know why I need to know if the extent of love we feel for one another is on a par. To be honest, I think ebb and flow in a relationship is a good thing - each partner taking a turn at steering the ship, or 'carrying the load' as it were. As a matter of fact, very early in our relationship, Cal made an observation that it was me steering our relationship, while he had his foot on the accelerator. Now, I feel as though it is my foot on the accelerator, and he is the one doing the steering.

I do wonder though if men are always calculating the price they have to 'pay' for love, against what they are getting out of it; while women are more "It's worth any price to be loved". What do you think?

"Community is Born of Necessity"

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 19:44:47 -0000

Joe Bageant, at home in the Garifuna village of Hopkins, Belize, where I visited him last week

The above quote is from Joe Bageant's son. It came up in our recent discussion on Intentional Community versus 'Accidental' Community. Community is born of necessity. This one sentence, Joe believed, explained the success of Accidental Communities, and the failure of so many well-considered Intentional Communities.

Since Mia and I are planning on creating an Intentional Community here in Second Life, this came to me as quite a revelation. I'm wondering now, when there is no necessity, no struggle, no urgency to create community in Second Life, is our plan even feasible?

I should have realized this, of course; it's an affirmation of Pollard's Law -- we do what we must, then we do what's easy, and then we do what's fun. My ancestors, thrown together with strangers in a frontier land two centuries ago under harsh conditions, American ex-pats sharing a common passion (loyalty to the King of England) had no choice but to make their Accidental Community of 13 families work, carving homes out of the frozen wilderness without electric light, electric power or hydrocarbons. Thousands of Canadians can now, like me, trace their ancestry to this community.

Likewise, the Garifuna of Belize, where I just visited, who bailed out of shipwrecked slave ships over three centuries ago, had no choice but to make their Accidental Community work, and its culture remains, improbably and against all odds, prevalent today in much of the country.

Meanwhile, the Intentional Communities of the world have a low success rate and an average population of just eleven people. They are the product, often, of affluent, comfortable people who have selected each other carefully and patiently, and who have a shared passion that most Accidental Communities lack. They are experiments of joy designed to discover what works and what doesn't, by learning from failure. They never really succeed, most of them, perhaps because they don't have to.

Cal

Self Indulgence

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 09:24:46 -0000

I AM GOING TO BE completely self-indulgent in this post and just talk about myself.

One of the things I have discovered in Second Life is that now that I am equipped with a beautiful-looking avatar, I just love attention! Not that I haven't always liked being the centre of attention in First Life, but that has come about mostly because of my personality, not my looks.

This afternoon I had just changed into a rather exotic 'harem' costume when an academic friend invited me over to see their new property in SL. I teleported over and was gratified by their enthusiastic greeting of, "Wow! You look hottttttttt!" It gave me pleasure to imagine their sexual arousal while we strolled about his land 'innocently' looking at the view, his boat etc.

Not that I am a particularly sexual person, but it's something I've discovered about myself since I have 'created' a sexual persona in SL. Being regarded as 'hot' isn't something I've really experienced before in First Life - not as an ongoing thing anyway. I've certainly been told I look good, but 'hot' is something new for me. I've always been a little shy when it comes to 'flaunting' my body, because even though I've always been small, I've always had a pot belly and consequently have been rather self-conscious.

Some time ago I had the revelation that I took much greater care of my avatar than I did of my First Life body. After all, it's a simple matter to flatten my stomach, make myself taller, buy an alluring new outfit, blonde my hair etc., and have sexual appeal just by the click of a mouse. My poor 'First Life' body has to satisfy itself with a hastily prepared meal (if any) and a quick shower and dress before it slaves away in front of the computer, bringing pleasure to my Second Life avatar.

It's absolutely fascinating how there is a cross over between the two worlds of First Life (where I do live) and Second Life (where I WANT to live). When Cal and I met in SL, the relationship quickly brought a calmness and serenity to my First Life. I had a feeling of 'belonging', that we were right together. We spoke every day (both via the voice option in SL and telephoned Skype conversations) and I especially loved it when we fell asleep together - he on one side of the planet, and me on the other.

Having experienced a couple of other cyber relationships, I know there is a disparity between the 'imagined' relationship you create in your heart and mind, and the reality of actually meeting and facing the flesh and blood person. It's easy to say and do whatever is easy, timely, convenient if you don't have to back it up with any real effort.

It wasn't until Christmas when Cal organised an international delivery of beautiful roses to my First Life home that our relationship REALLY became 'real' to me. (He says it's always been real to him - but he tells me all the time that he has a really rich and vivid imagination). And just recently he sent me a parcel he had wrapped himself and once again, he became 'real' to me as I clutched the wrapping paper to my breast, imagining his hands which had taken such great care to pack it securely.

Second Life gives you the opportunity of a Second Chance - to do things without being restricted by what nature dealt out to you in a completely random, or genetic, throw of the dice. The one thing you can't fudge IS your personality. If you are a dope in First Life, you're a dope in SL as well! If you're superficial in First Life, you are ABSOLUTELY superficial in Second.

Conversation is the key to me. I can tell within a couple of sentences whether I am intellectually interested in the other person or not. Those of you who have read the transcript of my first conversation with Cal (scroll down to the second post), will know that we had an instant rapport and absolutely no lull in the conversation at all.

You want instant gratification? You pretty much got it in SL!

It's as simple as going to the Search facility and typing in Philosophy, Sex, Education, Dancing, Cards, Business, Fetish, Horse Riding, Time Travel, Art, Gardening, Knitting - WHATEVER you desire, you can find it here. (I went searching for an opium den one night and found two).

One thing that amazed me (and still does) was reading about a woman in SL who could only get sexual satisfaction from sexual penetration while she was wearing a urine-soaked nappy. (Apparently her partner just eased aside the wet nappy and went for it!) Not only that - but there was a WHOLE GROUP of people who had the same fetish!!! I still can't believe it! That you could have a really unusual desire, and still find others who share your interest.

BUT ... I do want to stress ... SL is NOT, NOT, NOT just all about sex. It's just usually the first port of call for a lot of people. Like kids being let loose in a sweet shop, it seems that most people, given ultimate freedom, just naturally seek out sexual freedom first.

I think of myself as probably a sexually moderate person - liberated, but moderate. I've lived as a hippy on a nude beach and indulged in some pretty promiscuous sex, but I am pretty... I was going to say pedestrian, but that's not quite the right word, in my sexual tastes. Normal is probably closer to the mark. (Probably at the high end of normal and the very low end of REALLY adventurous!)

My first sexual experience in SL was a threesome with a man I hardly knew (but later became very good friends with) and a courtesan. To be truthful, it was technically challenging - so many things to think about as far as positioning the body, noticing what the other two were doing, come up with text that matched the action, anticipate the flow of 'energy' etc. That was 10 months ago and I haven't felt inspired to repeat the experience.

THE BEST PART OF SL is the opportunity to be expressive and creative in so many different ways. I love decorating myself - clothes, hair, tattoos, a lovely new skin, exotic head dress, exotic costumes - in fact, anything exotic. It's an ongoing process and an evolutionary process. I am constantly stimulated by what I see around me.

And I love gardening. So easy to do in SL - just 'rez' your plants and move them about with your pointer. I can make mountains, lakes, valleys with grand sweeps of my mouse. It's like being mother nature.

Friendship is another important component of the SL experience. Those of you who have read my first post know that I met Cal when I teleported into Midnight Reflections and found him sitting on a mushroom, lost in his own thoughts, innocently admiring the view.

My first friend, Kara, I met when I was wandering in a forest; my second, Alt, when I needed some technical advice and he was called in to help; Lucinda is a great designer who came to my aid when I needed some 'image' adjusting. Others have been people I have met through work in SL, when I've just been out exploring, or have been introduced to. One, a well-known literary figure in SL, I met during a writers' event where we quickly establish a kinship through a shared sense of humour.

You can go into SL and spend all your time in solitary existence - just wandering and exploring and playing. You can interact on a deep and meaningful level with so many different personality types. You can deal with others strictly on a business level - buying and selling, investing, speculating.

One of the things I do find hard to understand, given the absolute freedom we have in SL to create ANYTHING we want - lifestyle, looks, relationships, homes, persona - that so many people just recreate what they already have in their 'real' lives. One avatar I know even wears his underpants in SL! lol I laugh because I just find it so constrained, that they don't ALLOW themselves the freedom to do just what they WANT to do, rather than what they are used to doing, or think they should do!

What we do in SL tells us so much about who we are. I think there are so many people who are so used to being confined, that they don't comprehend what freedom they do have. Like an elephant, its leg tied with rope since infancy, never ever considers breaking free ...

So many people seek to have the life in SL that they aspire to in First Life. One person I know, when I asked what their 'ultimate fantasy' was, said it was to go to some well known American yacht club in SL. THAT is your ultimate fantasy????? There are flying carpets here, dragons, elves, BDSM, vampires, magnificent architectural constructions, Arabian nights and all you want to do is go to a yacht club?

I know someone else who has a refrigerator stocked full of food. Why? We can't eat in SL. One neighbourhood I visited, I fully expected to hear the sound of bloody lawnmowers! I've seen fully-stocked bars and grocery shelves and even a marble toilet. Why on earth would you have a toilet? Who would WANT to recreate the tedium of pissing!

But that's the fascinating part about it all - why we do what we do. What we get out of it. How it makes us feel.

While I can't say that establishing an Intentional Community was my ultimate fantasy, meeting someone like Cal was a hope I'd long had. That I would meet someone who stimulated me and loved me and wanted to share, if not their whole life with, at least a substantial part of it.

It's a journey I'm enjoying.